UNTIL THEN I WAIT

Lupus Awareness Month is officially over today.  Does that mean that we are no longer aware of lupus anymore?  I believe that I will always be aware of lupus.  Just look at me.  Go ahead take a look at the pictures of me.  Gary took these pictures of me after I finished throwing my guts up for no particular reason.  Except that my brains felt like they were squeezing in my head. And, that made me nausous as hell. Or was it that the pain my body experinces makes me sick to my stomach.  Let's see could it be that 11 meds taken when I am flaring in a stomach that is burning with acid churing beyond control makes me vomit.  It could be any one of these or all of them. This was about 2 or 3 weeks after I was discharged from the hospital.  This Remember I was exhibiting stroke like symptoms (confusion, disorientation, slurring words, falling, etc.) I don't know if you can see the rashes on my hands and arms clearly or the swelling of my hands.  Gary wouldn't let me put the pictures of my other body parts on here.  They are for my doctor to see.  I'm starting to feel a little better I think .... I try not to complain too much.  I feel bad speaking about it anymore.  It's not worth it anymore.  I just try to live with it.  The fatigue and the pain are part of my life now.  People ask me how I am and I just say fine now.  When I speak to anyone they never know how I am because I refuse to let my voice give in to my pain.  But this is my life with Lupus and Antiphisiploid Syndrome.  Maybe one day someone will come up with a way to figure out what to do to help.  But until then I wait.