Tuesday, August 31, 2010

At the Supermarket

Okay, picture this in your mind.

This past Saturday my son tells me that he would like to take the family out to dinner.

Why, you ask? You know you are wondering.

My son thinks that I shouldn't have to cook. Especially when because Lupus has once again reared it's ugly head and started pounding on my body. It's part of my life that I have come to accept. Most of the time.

At this point, he is great in my eyes. He always is.

We go to the all you can eat Chinese buffet. I am very happy. Can hardly walk upright, but very happy.

I must take advantage of the "ALL YOU CAN EAT" part of this and stuff my face. We have a very nice dinner. All 5 of us.

But, since I am already out, I believe that I must at least get to the supermarket after dinner to get some things we NEED in the house (now keep that word NEED in your memory for a bit.)

So we go to Ingles. We get two cases of bottled water, low fat ice cream sandwiches for my hubby, and I forget what else. We pay. I remember I NEED cigarettes (yes I said NEED.) Hubby and the rest of them take the packages to the car. I am in my glory because other people are dealing with the package situation. Yes, it's a situation when you can hardly walk upright.

I proceed to Customer Service to get the cigarettes I NEED. Picture this scenario.....

Behind this monumental structure they call Customer Service, there are three individuals behind the supposedly bullet proof glass. A structure that reminds me of the Pope Mobile. I proceed to say.......

One carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX Please. No one responds. I suppose that bullet proof glass gives them some sort of misdirected sense of anonymity. I don't really know. I ask again....... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please.

I digress........ In my twisted sense of reality, I smoke lights because I probably believe that lights are better than regular strength. I know it's not true, but hey it makes me feel better that I do indulge in this "disgusting habit." I like to smoke and in my mind it's either MARLBOR LIGHTS 100 BOX or crack.

Back to Ingles..... I am still not being heard so I ask again ......... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please. I don't remember if this is the third or fourth time I have asked. I am getting anxious. I even have a coupon.

Then as if out of nowhere, someone in a crisp, green Ingles smock is standing beside me. I am thrilled. Maybe she can hear me?

I go on to ask her............ Is there a sound barrier between me and them. I point to the three, who are still chatting and not seeing me or hearing me. They do, in fact, see her. Maybe it's her smock? Who knows?

She motions to them. They ask me if they can help me. Three people to get me a carton of cigarettes seems a little extreme to me. But after all they are cigarettes and I do NEED them.

I ask again.......... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please. I add I have a coupon too. Someone retrieves the cigarettes. I am thrilled. I am handing one of them my coupon.

This was not the person who retrieved the cigarettes. He looks perplexed. I motion to the other "customer service" person who still has my cigarettes in her hand but is still holding what must be an important conversation. I cannot hear what it is because of the sound barrier.

Finally, they appear to get in sinc. They are all ringing me up. I ask, just to make sure..... Those are 100 box? I get a yeah. I hand my coupon to the person who looks the most in charge and pay. I leave.

I get home and the cigarettes are not 100s.