That's my smile. You see it. I walk around all the time with that smile. Everyone tells me I have to have one of those on my face. So for everyone else I have practiced it. Its the old me that everyone else wants to see. But, I have a secret. My own secret. There is really no smile on my face. Oh its there for others to see, but I don't want to smile. I'm not sad or anything. Nor am I depressed. I am just so tired. Lupus has made me tired. So has all the other things this past year has brought me. These last few months have been the worst. I am still trying to get use to all of this. I know that I have Lupus and Lupus is not me. But, its still all new to me. Especially when every time I turn around something new is happening. I also know that my loved ones mean well when they tell me I need to concentrate on other things besides my Lupus. And, as hard as I am trying it is so very hard to do. With fatigue and pain as a constant reminder. Like I said I am tired. I try to do the things I used to do and I can't. How can I be the "Old LuAnne" everyone do desparately wants back?