That's my smile. You see it. I walk around all the time with that smile. Everyone tells me I have to have one of those on my face. So for everyone else I have practiced it. Its the old me that everyone else wants to see. But, I have a secret. My own secret. There is really no smile on my face. Oh its there for others to see, but I don't want to smile. I'm not sad or anything. Nor am I depressed. I am just so tired. Lupus has made me tired. So has all the other things this past year has brought me. These last few months have been the worst. I am still trying to get use to all of this. I know that I have Lupus and Lupus is not me. But, its still all new to me. Especially when every time I turn around something new is happening. I also know that my loved ones mean well when they tell me I need to concentrate on other things besides my Lupus. And, as hard as I am trying it is so very hard to do. With fatigue and pain as a constant reminder. Like I said I am tired. I try to do the things I used to do and I can't. How can I be the "Old LuAnne" everyone do desparately wants back?
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Hi LuAnne! It is hard to be the person you used to be because when lupus moves into your life, you change. This has been such a really tough year for you. (((((LUANNE))))). I don't know if this helps but someone once told me this during a real rough patch in my life: THE PUREST GOLD IS TESTED IN THE HOTTEST FIRE. All the affection, sharing and strength that you have given so many of us "lupies" comes from a place deep in you that knows suffering. You are a wounded healer.
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