Sunday, February 27, 2005

Lately I feel as if I am somewhere between myself. 

As coporeal as my illness is.  It has left me collapsing in both body and in soul. 

Infelicitous in time.

I am inept and ill chosen in spirit to handle this weighty thing that has been pressed upon me. 

Weak in body. 

No where I look can I find strength to carry me through these troubled times. 

I am sad.  My heart is grieving.  I need comfort, I need strength. 

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Isaiah 40:29 



Thursday, February 10, 2005


Hiya Guys,

Due to circumstances beyond my control for the time being my journal will become private.  If you are one of those who have been reading my journals faithfully and want to continue reading them.  Please send me an email.  Put JOURNAL in the subject.  I will be making my journal private over the weekend unless these circumstances change.  Please pray for me.

Thank you LuAnne

Friday, February 4, 2005

1. I don't do windows because .... It's easier to keep my glasses off and not see the dirt.

2. I don't wax floors because ... I'm afraid I will fall down and not be able to get up.

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because...I'm homebound and they keep me company during the day.

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because.... it gives me something to look at during the day besides the TNT network.

5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I don't summer, fall or winter clean.

6. I don't plant a garden because . I like the weeds.

7. I don't put things away because ... then I have to find them for people.

8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I stopped entertaining a long time ago.

9. I don't iron because . I take "Permanent Press" seriously

10. I don't stress much on anything because ... otherwise then it would prove my prozac wasn't working.

From Linda's Journal entry today.  Footprints in the Sand

My opinions/additions are in green.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.  Mean it too.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.  I wasn't.  And, we were just married 21 years.  Love is love.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.  You see what I mean.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.  Dreams do come true.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.  Don't judge people at all.  It's not your job.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  And, always remember number 17.  See number 22.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.  Always, remember number 18.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

TWENTY-TWO.Forgive and forget. Life is too short to hold grudges. 

Thank you

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and emails.  I'm sorry for not visiting your journals these past few weeks.  I am just so tired and so out of it.  Please forgive me.  Your kind words really mean so much to me.  I love each and every one of you.

The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14 

Thursday, February 3, 2005


I received this in an email and wanted to share it today in my journal.

A Cross on Federal property????


Did you see in the news last week where the A C L U doesn't want any crosses on any Federal property? 


Let them try to remove these!! 


What are these people thinking??  

At what point do we say, enough is enough?                        

Wednesday, February 2, 2005


Today I am tired of Lupus.  I'm tired of being home bound.  My life is watching others come and go.  I see things through the windows of my living room.  I am at the mercy of those who are able to take me out of my prision.  I'm angry.  It's strange that a synonym of anger is flare.  How appropriate don't you think?

Tuesday, February 1, 2005


I'm afraid today.  Just woke up afraid.  It's not the normal kind of fearfullness.  I am not afraid of my surrounding or of something getting me.  I am not scared of a person or place.  I'm terrified of Lupus.  I hate it.  I hate going to bed wondering if I am going to wake up in pain. Or if I am going to have anothing episode of confusion.  I hate the dubiosity that Lupus holds over my life.

I do the right things. I take the right meds.  I don't overdo it.  Yet the pain still comes.  Yet the confusion still has control over my brain. Yet I still twich and quiver. Every day of confusion I lose something and I don't get it back.

I remember my Grandma.  The last time I saw her.  Whether it was just Dementia or the cancer that had spread to her brain.  She was very confused.  She didn't remember me.  Did it start this way?  Did she get small periods of confusion? Did she forget how to do things?  Why things were done?


I get comments from people.  They tell me.  Yeah, I forget things all the time.  It's just getting older. Getting older, I'm only 47, give me a break. Those comments really piss me off. 

Because I'm not just forgetting where my keys are.  Or forgetting why I went into a room to do something.  I'm forgetting why I went into the car in the first place.  I'm not even allowed to drive at all.  I've been lost in the supermarket.  Not just wondering what I need to buy.  Lost as in WANDERING AROUND!  Breaking out in a sweat and confused. 

I was there on Friday evening with my husband and it happened.  If he wasn't with me I would have been a goner.  Does anyone understand how disturbing this is for me?  I wish it was just forgetting where my keys were.