Wednesday, April 4, 2012

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing a minor sense of depression. Nothing serious, just a feeling of sadness. I am a pretty happy woman, usually. I could laugh at the most outrageous things. I've never had a hard time finding humor in things. But lately, no. I should be happy because one of the most precious things is going to be happening next month. My daughter will be marrying her sweetheart. And, I am happy for that. Happy that she is happy. Happy that her intended is a wonderful young man. Planning a wedding is exciting. We have most of that done.

What keeps traveling through my mind is that all through this process I have become sicker. And, although it has been quite an effort, I have gotten up and revealed in all the wedding excitement. Watching my daughter happy ....... makes me happy.

I look back to how life was for me in my early years. I'm not saying that I was abused in any way. But what has me remembering how things were is that I am so there for my daughter (and son). I can't imagine it being any other way. I didn't have that. Neglect is what comes to mind. Not intentional neglect, but ignorant neglect. I cannot get past how this could have happened. As I said, I would do anything for my children. And, to remember that was not done for me, boggles me. I was told that I haven't gotten past that and I should.

Yeah I should. I've tried. It just seems to me that part of my life keeps returning. How does one let go when things keep reoccurring?

Aside from the inconvenience of my illnesses. I have the world by the balls. I have a husband that treats me like a princess. He shows me he loves me everyday by doing the little things, by being there for me when I need affirmations. Maybe I am needy. Could be? Maybe I am dwelling. That could be as well? But, it's what I need and yes, what I want. Do I sound crazy? Most likely. But this is what it is and I will get out of it. Keep me in your prayers. Please.