Sunday, October 7, 2007

I'm still not feeling great.  But, this morning I did wake up in a lot less pain.  What is great is that I (at least for now) think I found a good combination of meds to help with the pain.  When I tested positive for RA, my NY rheumi prescribed 750mg of Nabumetone.  I take two in the morning and two in the evening before bed.  I hadn't been taking some of my pain meds.  I couldn't handle the grogginess.  This med is not a narcotic.  Nabumetone is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) effective in treating fever, pain, and inflammation in the body.  Nabumetone is used for the treatment of inflammation and pain that results from  rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis.

Here is more info on this med:

Taken with two 5 mg Oxycodones I feel so much better.  It's only been one or two days with this combo and I really hope it lasts.  I hope it last just enough for me to get my life back.

What gets me about these things I have is that it not only affects me, it affects everyone around me.  Everyone's life has changed since I got sick.  My family has had to pick up the slack here.  My inability to do things has always bothered me.  But, it bothers me more now because even though Gary comes home every night from building our house like a cripple, he still has me as his top priority.  As much as he is hurting or is tired, he still has no problem doing stuff here.  I feel horrible leaving anything for him.  Unlike NY, here there is no delivery of food.  No ordering Chinese or Towne Deli subs.  No good pizza.  He doesn't stop to eat during the day therefore I want to make sure there is a home cooked meal for him when he gets home.

The thing that upsets me the most is lately my mood has been very tense.  You see when my lupus flares it's as if my brain is surrounded by this dense, crazy fog.  I lose all ability to verbalize rationally.  I get snippy and short tempered.  I lash out.  I wish that I was able to control it, but I can't.  Even though I apologize it hurts me that I hurt those that I love.  This causes me be depressed.  Don't get me wrong I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for those I am hurting.

What happens is that I try to think or respond and I break out in a sweat and start to shake.  I hate it.  I hate what it does.  Today I hate these illnesses.  I am so tired.

The only good thing that is happening (of course, aside from my dream house) is that for some unknown reason I am losing weight.  No dieting.  No watching what I put in my mouth.  The pounds are just melting away.  The last time I weighed myself I was down almost 60 pounds.  My clothing is actually falling off of me.  The other day I had on a pair of jeans that were falling off as I walked up the stairs. Maybe I will be back to my pre illness ideal weight.

I slept pretty well last night.  My legs and hips did not burn as much.  Pretty little actually.  I only woke up three times and actually feel rested this morning.

Have a great day gentle readers.  Please keep me in your prayers.

Hugs, Lu