Sunday, May 29, 2005


Memorial Day, or Decoration Day as it was first called, was officially proclaimed on May 5, 1868, by Major General John Alexander Logan, commander in chief of the Grand Army of the Republic (GAR).

 "The 30th day of May 1868 is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades, who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church yard in the land… We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance, all that the consecrated wealth and toils of the nation can add to their adornment and security, is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders... If other eyes grow dull, and other hands black, and other hearts cold, in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light, and warmth, of life remain to us. Let us, then, at the time appointed gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with the choicest flowers of Springtime: let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved from dishonor."  (To read the entire article go to...


Most people have BBQs or picnics during this three-day weekend.  To many it just symbolizes the start of summer.


Memorial Day is much more than a three-day weekend that marks the beginning of summer. Memorial Day has a history stretching back all the way to the Civil War, is an important reminder of those who died in the service of our country.  It's a tribute to those lost men and women who fought to protect the United States of America.  They fought so that we may continue to enjoy the freedom our forefathers fought so hard to establish.


Saturday, May 28, 2005


It's my journal and I like to share things.  Here are the lyrics to the movie Ladder 49.  If you haven't seen it, I suggest you do. 

Shine Your Light

Robbie Robertson Lyrics

The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the

whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around

to the very last dance
Sometimes i stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought i saw him walking by

the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
To carry on


Ten Things That Make Me Smile!!

I read this journey with Multiple Sclerosis this morning and thought I would remember the things that make me smile.  She wrote a wonderful entry and I suggest that you check her journal out. 

It made me realize that things are the way they are and I need to remember the things that make me smile. 

So here are the TOP TEN Things that make me smile.

Ten Things That Make Me Smile

          1)         Jesus

2)         My husband, Gary.

3)         The taste of my husband’s kisses.

4)         My children……..’Nuff said

5)         Talking to my Mother.  Seeing her brings a bigger smile on my face. 

6)         Spending time with my brother and his family.  I love those girls.

7)         Waking up in the morning and watching the trees outside my bedroom window sway in the wind. 

8)         Nuzzling my face into my husband’s chest hairs.

9)         Memories of my Grandparents.

10)   Having a non-Lupus day. 


This is a wonderful exercise.  I suggest doing it if you are feeling down.  Today I am not feeling that bad.  I've been happy, happy, happy......


Wednesday, May 25, 2005

1 Timothy 5:24-25

Some men's sins are open beforehand, going before to judgment; and some men they follow after.

Likewise also the good works of some are manifest beforehand; and they that are otherwise cannot be hid.

1 Timothy 5:24-25

The Trees

From my bedroom and living room windows I have a beautiful view of trees.  I love to watch these trees especially on a windy day.  There is something about watching the branches sway with the wind that mesmerizes me.  These days I am pretty much homebound.  As many of you know I really don't drive anymore.  And, I have been having more bad days than good ones lately.  When I do have a good day I used to overdue it.  Gary would lecture me about this.  And, he is right.  I would always pay for it in the long run.  I would make believe that I wasn't sick on those days.  Now I have learned that I need to pace myself. 

Monday and Thursdays are my best days most of the time.  This is the case on an average week.  On Monday evenings I take my weekly immuno suppressant med, Methotrexate.  Once it gets into my system I start experiencing the side effects.  Nausea and diarrhea.  It's not a pretty sight.  My body looks terrible.  I feel terrible.    This is when I enjoy the trees.

I didn't notice it until the other day.  I was in bed most of Tuesday and watched the trees between dozing off or trying to make it to the bathroom

I’m trying not to let this situation upset me anymore but on days when I can’t move out of my bed it’s a hard task to accomplish.  My legs have been bothering me lately too.  From the knee down on my left leg and my entire right leg from hip to toe.  Or the continuing bouts of costoncondritis.  I have been having this now almost every day. 

You know some people can’t quite grasp the concept of being ill.  I’m told that I should keep my chin up.  I’m told that I should not dwell on my illness.  But it’s just so very hard to do when you feel sick most of the time

What can I say?  I’m trying……



Friday, May 20, 2005


Here it is......... my bunny tattoo..........


Thursday, May 19, 2005


I'm really very sick.  I have bronchitis plus all the other nifty stuff that goes along with my flares. Been trying to even muster enough energy to get in the shower.  My coumadin levels are unstable again.  The doctors think that this is what happens when I start to flare.  Because when I do I take more pain meds and go on antibiotics.  These meds play havoc with the coumadin in my body.      We have decided that it's time for me to see a specialist in the city.  I am dragging my heels on this because I am worried as to how I am going to get back and forth to my appointments.  Now when I need to see the doctor I just call and he sees me right away.  A doctor in the city will do the same I am sure but it won't be so easy for me to get there at the drop of a hat.  My primary care doc said just see the specialist and use him as a second opinion sort of thing.  It's worth thinking about.  I am just feeling so horrible.     

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Romantic    Dreamy   Emotional   

You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint. What your feelings tell you is just as important to you. In fact, you feel it is important to have dreams in life, too.

You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality. You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.


Find this test at:

Monday, May 16, 2005


As so many of you know. I was sent to the ER yesterday afternoon by my Primary Care Physician after I called him to explain the horrible pain in my legs so bad that I couldn't hardly put any weight on them.  My feet are very swollen.  I am having a hard time urinating and I keep getting double vision.  He send me over there.  I asked him to call first, which he did.  He was afraid of a UTI and that given my symptoms I might becoming septic.

Well, I went there.  Same old story.  This time they didn't even draw any blood.  They wanted me to give them a  urine sample.  I told them if I could urinate I think my PCP would not have sent me to you guys.  I took the cup anyway and tried.  When I couldn't provide a sample.  The nurse said okay, back to the guerny with you.  I'm setting up a foley.  I said do what you have to.

Everthing just went down hill from there.   I am sure most of you have had terrible experiences at the ER yourselves.  I just kept thinking "What the hell is wrong with you people.  I have 2 feet that are swollen beyond belief.  Not to mention that I can't urinate at will or at all most of the time.  I am unable to put pressure on my right foot.  Gary had to get me a wheelchair before I could get out of the car.

The only thing that concerned them was whether or not I had a UTI.  That's a big concern, but not the only reason I was visiting them.  I asked for a shot of lasix, they refused saying Dr. C only asked for a urine test.  I said I am sure if you call him back and tell him what the condition of my legs are he would agree.  Nope they couldn't do that for some reason I am not quite sure about.  They did manage to call my rheumi whose associate was on all.  I was given a medro pack with a bolus of oral 60 mg too.  For pain I was given 2 dilaudid pills.

My frustration level is at it's max.  I get into fits of crying.  Not because I am afraid, not because I am a baby.  Just because of the frustration I feel.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Margarine -VS- Butter


Margarine -VS- Butter  


Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys, when it killed the turkeys; they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.



DO YOU KNOW ... the difference between margarine and butter?


Read on to the end ... gets very interesting!  


Both have the same amount of caloriesButter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams


Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53%.



Over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.  Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!


Butter tastes much better thanmargarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.


 And now, for Margarine.


Very high in trans fatty acids. Triple risk of coronary heart disease. Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) Lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol). Increases the risk of cancers by up to five foldLowers quality of breast milkDecreases immune response.  Decreases insulin responseAnd here is the most disturbing fact . Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC.  This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance)

You can try this yourself. Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area.  Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things. No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something) it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value, nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weenie microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic.  Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?  


Friday, May 13, 2005


Today is my birthday.  I am 48 years old now.  It's funny because I get these strange feelings only on even numbered birthdays.  For some reason I divide my age by two and say..........  24 years ago I was 24. 

 How quickly time goes by.

I really don't mind getting older considering the alternative.

In my mind I am still 18.

As mature as I have become. 

Regardless of the "NUMBER" of my age I am still 18 somewhere deep inside of me.  And, especially “DESPITE” of my myriad of illnesses and the constant pain, fatigue and confusion I experience.  I AM STILL A TEENAGER!!!

So let me be the first to say this to myself………It's going to be a great day, I just feel it.