I have been receiving a lot of supportive emails since I once again made my journal public. People telling me that I am strong, that I have fortitude or how awesome I am at managing my illness. I have a secret to share....... I am not so incredible at this.
There are so many times that my days are filled with terror. Especially when my days are loaded with havoc and tubulence that's when I am most fearful.
I don't write about the times when I just sit and cry. I cry about the things that are lost from my life. My freedom, my career, my looks. Depression comes with this illness to a certain extent. And, yes it comes and goes. Who wouldn't grieve about the loss of those things? It would take a very emotionally strong individual not to. I am somewhere in between. I do the best with what I have. That's another purpose of my journal. To help me learn to adjust to all these new things in my life.
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7 comments:
you go girl. cry, scream, and yell. i do.... i'm glad you wrote that entry. i know what it's like to have a scary stupid disease that no one else really understands.... i'm not so incredible at being strong and managing my MS either. usually i do my crying when no kids or hubby can see... i understand the terror, and the fear.... of what this COULD do to me, and what effect it would have on my life, my kids, and if my husband would really stick around like he said.... i happen to think grieving also takes courage and fortitude... have a blessed day,
sara
Lu, the awesome part is that you are able to experience the whole spectrum of feelings and still keep on going every day through the pain & tears. People are courageous for allowing themselves to just be human in the face of tough challenges. You're in that club.
(((((HUGS))))) Loretta
I'm glad that you are finding support here in J Land...I've made so many wonderful friends here, their love and support is immeasurable at times...this journal will help you pour out your feelings and we'll be here to hold your hand thru it...
http://journals.aol.com/derasta/ADayInTheLife
(((((((((((Lu)))))))))))) You're the best!! : )
Love ya,
Su. : )~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lu dear, doing the best you can with what you have is courageous. The grieving is necessary. As you say, who wouldn't grieve in your situation?
All of us grieve for what we lose. How we handle the grief is the measure of the women we are.
(((((((((((Lu dear)))))))))))))
loving you
karyl
You can get to a point when the pain isn't there ...that is where you become numb, its a scary place... and i'm there right now. I wish that i could feel again. I had a brain infection that brought me to my knees... the pain was so great that I tried to end it ...the doctor told me he understood and that the pain might not pass. Then a very scary thing happened. I shut down. I stopped feeling pain of any kind, i was just hollow ...Now I wish i could feel anything again, its a two edge sword. I think I'm gonna talk about this in my journal tonight...thanks for the inspiration..
-DeSoulsHeartbeat
Love your hournal....will be back when I am not on my lunch.
Christina
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