1. Disorder resulting from a failure to behave predictably; "the army retreated in confusion".
2. A mental state characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior.
3. A feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused.
4. A mistake that results from taking one thing to be another;
A mental state characterized by bewilderment, emotional disturbance, lack of clear thinking, and perceptual disorientation "he changed his name in order to avoid confusion with the notorious outlaw
http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/definition/english/Co/Confusion.html
The days are getting shorter now and the nights are longer. That is how the seasons change. Not only because we changed our clocks but because my physical body just cannot keep up anymore. My stamina is still waning. As the trees lose their leaves my strength weakens. It's only a flare. I know this. But my patience is growing thin. I have developed an indifference to this thing called Lupus and APS. It's negligence towards me still causes confusion. I'm unhappy. It's as if I am starting all over again in my illness because I don't know how to explain how I feel sometimes. I do not know how to handle this chaos, clutter, disarray this illness has caused in my life. It panics me. My physical appearance is beginning to appear better but I still stumble with my thoughts. The questions still come and there are no answers because no one wants to answer my questions over and over again. I watch television or a movie with my family and the first thing they tell me is to be quiet because I ask the same thing over and over again. We watched a show the other night. It was about motorcycles. We were more than half way through it when I finally realized that it was about 2 people building 2 motorcycles. I just couldn't get it. I can't even figure out the instructions sometimes on boxes of instant mashed potatos. I have to have the receptionists at my doctors look at my appointments when I write them because I make mistakes. Then sometimes I am fine. Not for long, but I have moments. I wonder sometimes if the moments I am fine will be gone for good sometimes. I am sad. People get angry at me. Doctors don't see a way to fix me. God does I know. So, He is my only hope. What a wonderful hope that is!!!!
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3 comments:
Lu dear, I am so sorry you are flaring. Have you talked with your doc? I am sending you hugs and praying for you, dear.
loving you
karyl
I'm sorry you are going thru this...my memory is pretty bad too...I have to make notes of everything and have my family remind me of things...it can be pretty frustrating.
http://journals.aol.com/derasta/ADayInTheLife
Lu, I have days like this too. And it is not only frustrating, but embarrassing when I have to deal with people outside of my family. My doctors are now in the habit of writing things down for me. Hubby tapes things to my computer screen when I need to remember something. I also have reminders set up in my Microsoft task launcher so I don't forget Bear's important events.
The day I fell of off the folding chair was one of those days. I FORGOT I had the oven on, I forgot that I had changed my mind about what to cook because I couldn't follow the directions on the freezer packages... and the list goes on.
It is sad and upsetting. I also get angry when I have to try to talk and explain to hubby "what's wrong" because I can not express myself verbally.
You are doing good with the writing...so keep at it...writing must come from a different part of the brain than talking? Keep doing those puzzles like I suggested. I am doing crossword & logic problems all the time...it will help with retraining the brain. Do the games your kids have given you.
And have you thought about drawing? Doing artwork is expressive without having to use language. Same thing with music, Lu. Listen to your songs, try to sing along... fight this one, sweety...this is a symptom you have to fight.
Loving you very much,
(((((HUGS))))) Loretta
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