Thursday, December 16, 2004
What other choice do I have?
I'm sorry.
I just can't do it today. I cannot do all the things that everyone expects of me today. I'm supposed to clean up around here. I'm supposed to do the laundry. I'm supposed to do the food shopping. Meanwhile, I can't seem to get myself together. 
I am feeling feeble in a world that has so much steam. As I look around here and see the activity which is exhibited by my family members. I am sad. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that my children are living their lives. It's the natural occurance of things. They are growing up. I lament for myself only at times like this when my body lacks force. When my body is inadequate and ineffective. And, I have a great sense of guilt. We need to eat, yet I am unable to shop for our food. If I were to muster up enough energy to shop it would be impossible for me to prepare the meal. Or, if I were to tidy up our home, again I would lack the ability to do much else. And, so on. how do I find the ability to prioritize? Just the mental thought process associated with things like that tires me out. Lupus is a vampire robbing me of my energy. Both physical and mental energy. I struggle to find the right word to explain how I feel. There is no such word. I am simply tired. I will shower, that I need to do. Then I will go on from there. What other choice do I have?
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9 comments:
Baby steps, tiny baby steps! Never forget that there are a lot of folks that care about you and here to lend support whenever you need it.
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Thats true...no other choice but to go on...Jst remember that your body needs you..so if you can't do it without hurting more...DON'T..I know cleaning is a biggee, but HEY..even I have had days where I sat in the mess because I couldn't get the energy up t do it...Hang in there, and take it one step at a time..Ill be praying for you today
Jackie
Lu, when you are this fatigues, you know it is time to delegate. The shower is priority number one...unless you can find someone else to do that for you. ;)
You have several healthy adults/teens in the house so they are going to need to help you right now.
This season is tough... I am coping with some of the same hurdles. We have family coming in on Christmas day...and I have to start cleaning now to pace myself so I don't make myself sick before Christmas.
(((((HUGS)))))
Love, Loretta
Dear, you do what you can, and that's enough!
Aunt Dubby
Hope you are feeling better my friend. My prayers are with you. Get some rest and take care of yourself. God bless, Beckie
Lu dear, I am hoping that shower was refreshing and you were able to rest up afterwards. I am so sorry the lupus is being such a beast! (((((((Lu dear)))))))))
loving you
karyl
awwwwww I m sorry that would drive me nuts too. Im obcessive compulsive you see I go all out and cant seem to slow down. I never get more than 5 hours sleep at night. Seems I been living off two and three alot lately. Even wehn i was evactuated out our home last week I was rushing hither and fro. Maybe your kids can help you out. Or a friend or neighbor. This lady I know she does the shopping for this lady who is sick and cant she also does a few other things for them. I hope you have better days and get better. I m so sorry wish I could wave a wand and fix it all for you Lori
I understand what you are saying. But only in a small way. I can't claim my fibromyalgia is as debilitating as your lupus. But it gets so hard some days to watch John come over and cook the meals, and then do the dishes. I want to get up and help him do the dishes but I cannot, because I don't have the stamina to stand at the sink. Sometimes he has to shop also. Sometimes I can't even take a shower on some days. I am getting some better with some things now that I have my thyroid medicine, but I still can't cook or do the dishes. My feelings are one of guilt and not being able to do my share. Oh well. Love, Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
The worst thing about being ill with MS (and lupus) is that they are invisible diseases thus most people fail to understand just how DOG tired you can be. How unable to function at all.......
Peace my new friend.
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