SURRENDERING TO LUPUS

As I approach a time in my life when I see a certainty of an end I look at my surroundings.  Not just my immediate surroundings. 

But everything that encompasses me.  I examine with curiosity the expressions on the faces of indivduals with whom I make contact.  It interests me to see how people react to me.  How I am feeling on any particular day has affected others.  I am not saying that I think I have any particular domination or control over others.  I am not that stuck on myself to believe that this could be possible.  What I think is that my actions do have some sort of impact, imprint, repercussion or mark; if you willl; over how people will react to me.  How I am feeling has a great pull on how I am treated and how I treat others.

I see it in my daily activity.  My vigor plays an important role in what I do and how I do it.  That is where my Lupus comes into play.  If I am having a particulary horrible Lupus day my energy force will definitely be sluggish.  Lupus takes away so much from me on those days. Most of my goals at times like this are unattainable.  As much as I try to retain some sense of normalcy in my life I find it an impossible task to complete.  Today was one of those days.  I had to surrender today to Lupus.  Actually, this entire week was surrendered to Lupus. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop this from happening.  I learned a lesson early on that I could not battle with Lupus.  That I had to put out the "White Flag" and merely surrender this week to the villian Lupus.  Once I learned this I no longer struggled with the pain and suffering that my enemy Lupus brings me.  I can give in and deal with it.

I simply accept the vagary of Lupus and do what needs to be done to conserve my energy.  These such days are happening much more often now.  What am I to do?  Not much I guess?  I just have to learn to accept these kinds of days and weeks.  And, try to have a good outlook.  And, keep looking forward to the better days.  The days when my bang, drive, getup, get-up-and-go, go, pep, punch (LOL) is somewhat like it used to be.  And, that's when I cram everthing into a day or a week or a month.  That's when I don't remember that I am sick. Those are the times when I take long walks. When I dance around the house.  I go outside and tend to my garden.  I see friends.  I shop for shoes.  I do what regular people do every day.  Except that I cram it into a few short days.  I still love life.  It's on those days when I don't remember that I'm sick.  But, then I overdue it and then I start the process all over again. The pain, the paralizing fatigue.  The mouth ulcers.  The exploding head pain. The seizures. Do I need to go over the entire laundry list?

 

I WOULD NOT TRADE IT IN FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!

I WOULD TAKE THE FEW GOOD DAYS/WEEKS.

AND KEEP DOING WHAT I DO.

I AM HAPPY TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY!!!