I have realized that I am the only one that can change the way I look at my new life. It's very odd because when I was healthy and worked like crazy all I wanted was free time. My life was fast. Everything was done quickly. I had no time for ME. I worked. I came home and did everything around here. I slept and woke up and played the day again.
Now I have all this time on my hands and was feeling bad for myself. I made excuses for these feelings. I believed that I was allowed to wallow. But, in my wallowing I lost a huge part of me. Yes, things are different now. My energy level is minimal. I hurt constantly. That still is no excuse to think the way I was thinking. My life is changed but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be over. There is still life in me. I have to start to concentrate on me. My children are pretty much self sufficient. Everyone has their own things to do. I will find mine.
Maybe I will write. Maybe craft. Whatever. I cannot defeat this demon Lupus but I can control how it makes me feel. I can smile.
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7 comments:
You absolutely can smile! And a beautiful smile you have, dear Luanne!
Prayers and hugs coming...
Be well,
Dawn
Smiling right back at you Lu dear! I think this attitude shift will enrich your life.
Your description of your life as it used to be resonated with me. Mine was much the same with an endless list of To-Do's and taking care of me was not even on the first page of the list so I never got around to it at all!
For the past three years I have had to learn a new way to live. The other option was to stay angry and become bitter and filled with resentment for the losses. The changes haven't been easy and they haven't been pain-free but they have been worthwhile and it's good --- really wonderful -- to smile again!
loving you
karyl
(((LU)))
I can abosolutley relate to not having time for myself years ago... to now not being able to do the things I used to do that kept me busy & active.
I just wished I had my health back so I can feel "normal" again.
Hang in there Lu, there are many craft projects and such you can do that doesn't take alot of energy. I'm wanting to make some candles for the holidays and also I saw on a show how to make jewelry at home.. it's an idea :)
~Kathy
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Linda :)
{{{{{{{Luanne}}}}}} Keep up the good attitude. Margo
luann you just keep smileing ,and i will keep praying for you when i read this, all i did was smile ,so you keep smileing aand don`t give up and i will keep praying for the both of us.STAY BLESSED AND KEEP ON SMILEING ..........TESA
i read this and i can't tell you how happy it made me ... to know that, at least at that moment, you felt that way. a break from the hurt that lupus brings. i read your most recent entry and my heart just went out to you because i know exactly what you're going through. i've been through those calls, too. they hurt. but, in the end they make you a stronger person and let you know who you can really count on ... like your hubby. :)
i've been getting the odd headaches, too. changes in weather can do that, and changes in meds, too. ask the pharmacy if the pharmaceutical company has changed its compounds. sometimes a generic is switched and you don't know it and that's what causes a change. i've been getting overdosed here at THE PALACE for the past couple of weeks and didn't even know it!! i was getting too much mestinon (for muscle weakness/myasthenia gravis symptoms) and have had horrific muscle spasms & knots in my muscles ... pain that i've never experienced before. i went to one of the nurses and started asking about my meds and finally discovered that the meds were being dispensed improperly!! i have been getting 90 MG EXTRA A DAY ! ! ! so, take a look at your meds first. then, think about the change in weather or any changes in food. my physical therapist has come up with some simple ways of easing head/neck pain: roll a towel length-wise and lay on it with it along your spine from base of your skull to pelvis with arms outstretched, palms facing up. that will relax your neck/spine. for memory, try "cerefolin." i have been on it for a couple of months and have noticed that it has helped my short-term memory a little, especially in the afternoon/evening. i'm thinking clearer, i guess, is a better way to put it. anyway, i am so proud of you!! keep your chin up and remember that you are loved ... for who you are!!! my
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