I'm yearning for a simplier life. A life that is not obstructed with physician's appointments, blood tests and MRIs. An existence that is not occupied with unraveling the medication puzzle that plaques me daily. It's impossible for me to figure out how to do this. Because I cannot impersonate the me of so many years ago. Some of her still breathes within me. Her wit, her charm, her love and her vigor live inside me. But, unfortunately I have acquired new emotions. And, at this point there is absolutely nothing I can do about them. I ache both physically and emotionally. My doctors confer regarding my physical pain. They advise pain meds. The customary ~~ the routine ~~ the "BIG GUN" meds. I'm a "SCIENCE PROJECT" I have always known that. Which brings me to the emotional sorrow I feel. There is no comfort for me. No one can offer me solace. Maybe it's because no one understands. Or maybe it's because I just don't hear their encouragement. Whatever it is. I am sad. Not in the usual way. I do manage to go through my life and get things done. I just yearn for a simplier life.
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2 comments:
(((((LU)))))
First of all, I am sorry I missed your entry yesterday. The journal alerts aren't working again. :(
I am so sorry, sweety. I truly am.
It is just so very hard to not feel isolated when you are grieving over all the changes forced on yu every day. And I think it is especially difficult when you have to do so much doctor running. Those appointments are constant reminders that something inside has broken and the doctors are not going to be fixing it anytime soon.
You are a very, very dear person, Lu. You will never know just how many times (gotta be a kerjillion by now!) when you have lifted me up. I love your e-mails, I love seeing you write, and I especially love hearing your voice on the other end of the telephone line.
Hang in there, dear friend. Love, Loretta
((((((((((Lu)))))))))))
I wish there were more I could do to make you feel better. I know that no words can fix the pain and I understand the desire to go back to the old you more then the average person will ever know. This is a disease that I would not wish on anyone, not even DH's brother. It's agony is endless, if it isn't making us physically ill, it's playing havoc with our sanity. No words can describe the feelings I have for you. Lu, you are a wonderful woman with an ability to make everyone around you feel better about their situation. I can honestly say that I am better because I have known you.
I hope you are feeling better today.
Love and big hugs,
Susan
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