A MIGRAINE

I have an appointment with the Pulmonologist next week.  I'm a little afraid because the doctor in the ER told me that I had the beginning of Emphysema.  This Pulmonologist has a copy of my Pulmonary Function Test.  Now the thing is that my rheumi also got a copy of this test and told me it was fine.  I'm wondering if Emphysema can be diagnosed through this kind of test.  Also, the tech that did the test told me that it wasn't fine.  Plus at the hospital in the ER I had an X-Ray and a CAT Scan.

 

I've stopped smoking (well mostly).  I can honestly say that I don't smoke every day.  Once in a while.  It's so very hard to stop and I do believe that I am doing a great job at it so far.  I think that I need to keep the patch on all the time.  That might help.

 

Anyway, I keep thinking about my father who suffered so much with Emphysema and COPD.  I always boasted that my lungs were fine.  I always said that my Lupus never affected my lungs.  I thought it was odd because I knew others who never smoked and had pulmonary problems.  Well here I am scared out of my whits.  It's amazing isn’t it?

 

I can hardly walk up the stairs without feeling extremely winded and my heart palpating so hard.  One would think that I would never put a cigarette in my mouth again.  I am trying I really am.

 

Well, I will report back after my visit.

 

Yesterday all of a sudden I got a horrendous headache.  It's been a good week or so.  Now this headache has me incapacitated.  What is it that Loretta calls it?  Mabel the Migraine Monster.  Yup, that's it.  Yesterday I was taking Fiorcette every 8 hours and it was knocking me out.  Today it's not as bad but I don't know what to do as far as taking the Fiorcette in fear that this monster will return.

 

A Lupie never knows what their day will be like when they wake up.   Today I am in pain as well.  But I am not going to let it get to me.  Who said it?  I have Lupus but it doesn't have me.  I don't recall who it was but I'm going to try to think that way today.

 

Lupus (and everything else I have) has changed my life so.  From the day I had my first stroke my mindset has never been the same.  It was the day before my 46th birthday.  And, it's funny because each May 13th I get an odd feeling.  Like something is going to happen to me again.  One never knows what Lupus is going to bring.  Again, someone wrote that when you suffer from a chronic illness ....... a headache is never just a headache ........ leg numbness is never just leg numbness.  You always need to get these things checked out.  I can't help but think that my illness is progressing.  Maybe I have a week or twothat I feel fine and then BAM things start upagain.  Last time itwas the GI Vasculitis acting up.  Now it's the Cerebral Vasculitis.  All I can do is take the meds they give me and hope for the best.

 

I worry that one day my family will say that they have had enough of me.  Gary keeps telling me that when he married me he married me ....... In sickness and in health.  He has been so wonderful taking care of me.  But I often wonder what his life should be like now?  What our life should be now?  I look at myself and see a tired, ugly, overweight me.  He tells me that he still sees me as a beautiful woman.  How amazing is he?  I have been blessed to have him as a husband.  Thank you Baby!!!  Thank you for your patience, for your caring and most of all for your love.  I love you dearly.