A WOMAN SHOULD

I read this once and just today I received it in an email.  It seemed appropriate to add to my journal.

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

 
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a love and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to tryharder... and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

JUST ANOTHER SUNDAY MORNING

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave! (Josh Groban)

Ecclesiastes 1
1   The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
2   Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
3   What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?
4   One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.
5   The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
6   The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits.
7   All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.
8   All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
9   The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
10   Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.
11   There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.
12   I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem.
13   And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.
14   I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
15   That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.
16   I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have beenbefore me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.
17   And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.
18   For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

Ecclesiastes 2
1   I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is vanity.
2   I said of laughter, It is mad: and of mirth, What doeth it?
3   I sought in mine heart to give myself unto wine, yet acquainting mine heart with wisdom; and to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was that good for the sons of men, which they should do under the heaven all the days of their life.
4   I made me great works; I builded me houses; I planted me vineyards:
5   I made me gardens and orchards, and I planted trees in them of all kind of fruits:
6   I made me pools of water, to water therewith the wood that bringeth forth trees:
7   I got me servants and maidens, and had servants born in my house; also I had great possessions of great and small cattle above all that were in Jerusalem before me:
8   I gathered me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts.
9   So I was great, and increased more than all that were before me in Jerusalem: also my wisdom remained with me.
10   And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.
11   Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I hadlaboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.
12   And I turned myself to behold wisdom, and madness, and folly: for what can the man do that cometh after the king? even that which hath been already done.
13   Then I saw that wisdom excelleth folly, as far as light excelleth darkness.
14   The wise man's eyes are in his head; but the fool walketh in darkness: and I myself perceived also that one event happeneth to them all.
15   Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me; and why was I then more wise? Then I said in my heart, that this also is vanity.
16   For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool.
17   Therefore I hated life; because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
18   Yea, I hated all my labour which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me.
19   And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labour wherein I have laboured, and wherein I have shewed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity.
20   Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labour which I took under the sun.
21   For there is a man whose labour is in wisdom, and in knowledge, and in equity; yet to a man that hath not laboured therein shall he leave it for his portion. This also is vanity and a great evil.
22   For what hath man of all his labour, and of the vexation of his heart, wherein he hath laboured under the sun?
23   For all his days are sorrows, and his travail grief; yea, his heart taketh not rest in the night. This is also vanity.
24   There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.
25   For who can eat, or who else can hasten hereunto, more than I?
26   For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy: but to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God. This also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

Ecclesiastes 3
1   To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2   A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3   A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4   A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5   A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6   A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7   A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8   A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9   What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10   I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11   He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12   I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13   And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14   I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15   That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16   And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity wasthere.
17   I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
18   I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.
19   For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; sothat a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
20   All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
21   Who knoweth thespirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?
22   Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

I had been trying to figure out why.  Trying to figure out the answers to my suffering.  But as I read Ecclesiastes 1, 2 and 3 it occurred to me that, indeed To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven!  And I am blessed because God has chosen me to show others his words and blessings are true.

 

LET'S TWIST AGAIN

UPDATE: I WENT TO MY APPOINTMENT AT ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON MEDICAL CENTER.  Dr. Mark said I do not have Dystonia.  Which is great.  I was very relieved.  What I do have is a tick disorder.  Like a mild form of Tourette's.  Dr. Goldstein, my Rheumatologist, made a joke.  He said, "What do you do?  Say, Gosh Darn It, instead of cursing?"  I said, "No, I bleep myself out."  It's good I can joke about it.  No more meds needed for this.  The Xanax will suffice for now.  No need to add another "ologist" to my ever growing list of them.  I am happy.  This makes me very happy.

 

UPDATE: 08/26 I RECEIVED A TELEPHONE CALL FROM ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON MEDICAL CENTER.  THEY GOT A CANCELLATION FOR 09/13. A WHOLE MONTH EARLY. AN ANSWER TO PRAYER!!  THE PERSON WHO CALLED ME WAS NAMED LUANNE TOO.  GARY WILL BE TAKING OFF THAT DAY TO TAKE ME FOR MY APPOINTMENT.  ITS ONLY IN TWO WEEK1

What the heck happened to me while I was sleeping?  My chest, shoulders, arms, neck and head have a mind of their own.  These muscles are moving all by themselves. I can stop it.  But it just starts again.  THE PAIN IS EXCRUCIATING! Mostly its my shoulders and my chest.  They jerk and tighten.  Before this it was something I could deal with.  But now the wait until October 12th seems like forever!  That's when I have the appointment at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital with Dr. Mark to be evaluated.  To see what kind of movement disorder I actually have.  There is no discrepancy about me having a movement disorder, just exactly which one I have.  All I know is that its getting worse and I am in more pain and I want to scream.......Here are a few websites that are pretty informative.

  WE MOVE - Worldwide Education and Awareness for Movement Disorders

http://www.angelfire.com/ca6/Tnippy/

I am losing my mind today....!!!!

SURRENDERING TO LUPUS

As I approach a time in my life when I see a certainty of an end I look at my surroundings.  Not just my immediate surroundings. 

But everything that encompasses me.  I examine with curiosity the expressions on the faces of indivduals with whom I make contact.  It interests me to see how people react to me.  How I am feeling on any particular day has affected others.  I am not saying that I think I have any particular domination or control over others.  I am not that stuck on myself to believe that this could be possible.  What I think is that my actions do have some sort of impact, imprint, repercussion or mark; if you willl; over how people will react to me.  How I am feeling has a great pull on how I am treated and how I treat others.

I see it in my daily activity.  My vigor plays an important role in what I do and how I do it.  That is where my Lupus comes into play.  If I am having a particulary horrible Lupus day my energy force will definitely be sluggish.  Lupus takes away so much from me on those days. Most of my goals at times like this are unattainable.  As much as I try to retain some sense of normalcy in my life I find it an impossible task to complete.  Today was one of those days.  I had to surrender today to Lupus.  Actually, this entire week was surrendered to Lupus. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop this from happening.  I learned a lesson early on that I could not battle with Lupus.  That I had to put out the "White Flag" and merely surrender this week to the villian Lupus.  Once I learned this I no longer struggled with the pain and suffering that my enemy Lupus brings me.  I can give in and deal with it.

I simply accept the vagary of Lupus and do what needs to be done to conserve my energy.  These such days are happening much more often now.  What am I to do?  Not much I guess?  I just have to learn to accept these kinds of days and weeks.  And, try to have a good outlook.  And, keep looking forward to the better days.  The days when my bang, drive, getup, get-up-and-go, go, pep, punch (LOL) is somewhat like it used to be.  And, that's when I cram everthing into a day or a week or a month.  That's when I don't remember that I am sick. Those are the times when I take long walks. When I dance around the house.  I go outside and tend to my garden.  I see friends.  I shop for shoes.  I do what regular people do every day.  Except that I cram it into a few short days.  I still love life.  It's on those days when I don't remember that I'm sick.  But, then I overdue it and then I start the process all over again. The pain, the paralizing fatigue.  The mouth ulcers.  The exploding head pain. The seizures. Do I need to go over the entire laundry list?

 

I WOULD NOT TRADE IT IN FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!

I WOULD TAKE THE FEW GOOD DAYS/WEEKS.

AND KEEP DOING WHAT I DO.

I AM HAPPY TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY!!!

MY HEAD IS EXPLODING

My head is pounding and I can't do anything to stop it!  

 I would scream except I think that would make me throw up.  I woke up feeling better than yesterday or so I thought.  Then all of a sudden my head just started pounding  I've brought out the "Big Gun Meds".  I hate to do that.  The Fiorional with codene, I just hate to take this med.  This pounding headache is so bad I have to do it and be prepared for the side effects.  I just have to pray that they don't happen.  The side effects of Fiorional with codene are: 

• an allergic reaction (difficulty breathing; closing of your throat; swelling of your lips, tongue, or face; or hives);
• slow, weak breathing; 
• seizures;
• cold, clammy skin;
• severe weakness or dizziness;
• unconsciousness; or

• black, bloody, or tarry stools or blood in your urine or vomit

Do I have a choice?  I don't know?  Because right now I am feeling like my head is going to explode and leave pieces of my brain all over the place.  It's not a headache.  People get headaches.  Lupus people get explosions.  APS people get swelling in their brain.  I get both.  I'm going to bed now. I wonder what color my aura is now?

Gary

I married Gary on January 16, 1984.  Gary and I have had our share of good and bad times.  The good times have always been wonderful and we have relished in them.  We have not let the bad times hold us down. 

 Oh don't get me wrong we have had our share of problems.  Just as any one has had.  What is our strong point is that we try to understand each other.  And, with me being unwell he has had to assume more responsibility around here.  More responsibility with the children.  More responsibility with most everything.  I have not been able to do so many things.  I do not know what I would do if it were not for him picking up the slack.  The man has had to work countless hours of overtime just to help us make ends meet and that has not always worked financially.  We are waiting for my Social Security Disability case to be approved.  He comes home on most days when I am not feeling well and cooks dinner and then will take care of me.  He is an amazing husband and I love him dearly!  Thank  you Baby!

CHARLOTTE'S WEB

UPDATE  08/21:  CHARLOTTE IS GONE!  I have no idea what happened to her.  I have been watching for her these past few days and have't seen hide nor hair of her.  It's so sad.

A spider has taken up residence outside my bedroom window. And, I have become inclined lately to sit and watch her spin her web during the dusk hours.  I have named her Charlotte.  Charlotte is about the size of a nickle.  Quite big for a spider around here.  Gary doesn't want to even look at her.  But she intrigues me.  I remember when the kids were small we used to watch the Charlotte's Web video endlessly.  They used to cry at the end when Charolotte died.  And would ask me why Charolotte had to die.  It was very hard to answer that question.  To try to explain the life and death mystery to a 2 and 4 year old was very hard.  Heck, its a hard thing to do now.  But, its still a mystery and I don't pretend to understand it.  Everything has a season, is all I understand.  Some seasons last longer than others.  And, I am just going to accept that.

Back to Charlotte.  She is black and white from what I can see.  A very beautiful spider.  I will have my son take a digital picture of her later on today.  Her web isn't very symetrical from what I can see.  It sparkles in the rain.  The sun obstructs it.  She likes to come out in the dark. 

 I don't see her during the day much.   Here is something I copied off the web about spiders:

House spider is a common name for several spiders that often inhabit buildings. One well-known example, the American house spider, lives throughout North America. It has a round brown body about 1/4 inch (6 millimeters) long. The American house spider spins a tangled web, which consists of a jumble of threads.

Other house spiders belong to a group that builds funnel webs. These webs narrow into a funnel at one end, where the spider spends most of its time. Funnel-web house spiders once lived onlyin Europe, but they are now common in North America. They have a spotted brown and gray coloring.

It's relaxing to watch this spider.  Just thought I would share this about my spider.