Good afternoon friends.  I know that it has been a very long time since I have blogged.  I have no excuse for not writing, except to say that I really didn't feel like it.  It's not a very good thing to say, but blogging just wasn't on my mind for the past year or so.  But, at least for the time being, I am back.

I hope that those of you who read my blog, as well as new friends, are doing well.  At the present time, I am in bed.  Yup, Lupus has reared it's ugly face and paid me a visit.  I have over done things for the past three months.  So, I am paying the price.  As much as I am hurting and feeling that paralyzing fatigue again, I wouldn't trade the past three months for anything.

Let me begin by announcing that my daughter, Lauren, and son in-law, Greg have given us a Grandson, Lucas Anthony made his arrival on June 2 of this year.  At the end of May I flew up to New York to be there for my Grandson's birth.  He was a little less than two weeks late.  There were a few complications during his delivery so he was taken to the NICU for observation.  He had fluid in his lungs.  There was a chance that he would have had to stay in the hospital after Mom went home, but Thank God he was able to go home with her.  He was born with a full head of dark brown hair.  He was 7 pounds 8 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long.  Here he is..

My Honey

Good morning.  Sitting here watching television, drinking my coffee on this dreary day.  It's raining and damp outside.  The dogs refuse to go outside to do their business.  My body is not able to fight with them.  When they are ready they will let me know.

My plan for today is to do absolutely nothing.  The activity of the past three months has caught up with me.  I must give in to this or else make it worse.

For me to be able to do nothing takes an amazing husband.  I have one.  This man has been my rock even before I became ill.

It's pretty funny really.  When I think about all those years ago (30) and what my life was like before this amazing man came into my life.  People actually told me not to marry him.  Good thing I didn't listen to them.

I love him so very much!

Good afternoon everyone.  I know that I haven't been around in quite a while.  Actually, it's been a little over a year since I have blogged.  My husband has been asking me when I would be doing it.  For some reason I haven't felt like it.  But, now I am back.  I hope you are happy about that.

So much has happened during this past year.  As I mentioned in my last post, my daughter Lauren was married on May 19, 2012.  This past June 2 she and her husband presented us with our very first grandchild.  A boy, Lucas Anthony, was a little late arriving.  Almost two weeks late.  She was induced and he finally showed up weighing in at 7 pounds 8 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long.  There was some complications during his birth and he had to spend a few days in the NICU.  But, Lucas was allowed to go home with his Mom and is in perfect health.  He now weighs almost 12 pounds and is 22 inches long.  Here he is shortly after his birth.

And, here he is now....

I had the privilege of being there for his birth.  It was the most precious thing that I have ever experienced.  Being a Grandma is amazing.  There was no way I would have stayed away.  I flew up to New York at the end of May and stayed until the very beginning of July.  It was hard leaving, but I had to because something else wonderful was about to take place.

On August 10 of this year my son, Gary, married his sweetheart, Janel.  Our family has grown and we are so very blessed to have Janel as our daughter in-law.  The day was wonderful.  Their ceremony was something more than awesome. To watch my son marry his love was a sight to behold.  I sat in the church and watched as they exchanged vows.  What I remember most is how much in love they are.  Janel seemed to be swooning.  Gary was marrying the love of his life.  It was so beautiful.  Here they are.....

Needless to say, life has been very busy for the last three months.  I have been running on adrenaline.  For the last two weeks I have had house guests.  My husband's sister, Linda, and our best friend, Pasquale, were here.  As well as my daughters, Lauren and Christina, Lauren's husband, Greg, and Baby Lucas were here.  My husband, Gary, and I couldn't have been happier.  Everyone has gone home.  The newlyweds are on their honeymoon.  So, it's Hubby and me.  It seems odd.  We haven't been alone, just the two of us, for many years.  I like it.

All the activity (and please know that I loved every moment of it) has taken it's toll on me.  Lupus has shown it's ugly face and I am not happy about that.  But, I do get to rest for the next couple of days.  I am able to take it slow for a few months.  Then it will be the holidays and I am very excited.

I promise you will hear more from me now.  I have so much to share.

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing a minor sense of depression. Nothing serious, just a feeling of sadness. I am a pretty happy woman, usually. I could laugh at the most outrageous things. I've never had a hard time finding humor in things. But lately, no. I should be happy because one of the most precious things is going to be happening next month. My daughter will be marrying her sweetheart. And, I am happy for that. Happy that she is happy. Happy that her intended is a wonderful young man. Planning a wedding is exciting. We have most of that done.

What keeps traveling through my mind is that all through this process I have become sicker. And, although it has been quite an effort, I have gotten up and revealed in all the wedding excitement. Watching my daughter happy ....... makes me happy.

I look back to how life was for me in my early years. I'm not saying that I was abused in any way. But what has me remembering how things were is that I am so there for my daughter (and son). I can't imagine it being any other way. I didn't have that. Neglect is what comes to mind. Not intentional neglect, but ignorant neglect. I cannot get past how this could have happened. As I said, I would do anything for my children. And, to remember that was not done for me, boggles me. I was told that I haven't gotten past that and I should.

Yeah I should. I've tried. It just seems to me that part of my life keeps returning. How does one let go when things keep reoccurring?

Aside from the inconvenience of my illnesses. I have the world by the balls. I have a husband that treats me like a princess. He shows me he loves me everyday by doing the little things, by being there for me when I need affirmations. Maybe I am needy. Could be? Maybe I am dwelling. That could be as well? But, it's what I need and yes, what I want. Do I sound crazy? Most likely. But this is what it is and I will get out of it. Keep me in your prayers. Please.

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

It's almost been 10 years since you left us to be with The Lord. I am still, after all of this time, getting used to life without you. And, without Grandpa. You two were my heros. My confidants. The vision of who I wanted to become. I hope I have made you proud.

Life has changed so much since you left. I feel a little lost. You wouldn't be proud of the way things have turned out. I am very sure that you would have quite a lot to say. I wish I knew what that would be. Or, maybe I do know.

No one was there for me the way you were. I believe, without a doubt, that I am who I am today because of you.

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do.Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children." ~Alex Haley

It saddens me that my children will not get to learn from you the way that I did. But I will do my best to make you proud and teach them the way you taught me.

Please give Grandpa a big hug. I know you were not one for hugging, but now that you are in heaven with The Lord, I think you hug all the time.

I love you so much.

LuAnne

At the Supermarket

Okay, picture this in your mind.

This past Saturday my son tells me that he would like to take the family out to dinner.

Why, you ask? You know you are wondering.

My son thinks that I shouldn't have to cook. Especially when because Lupus has once again reared it's ugly head and started pounding on my body. It's part of my life that I have come to accept. Most of the time.

At this point, he is great in my eyes. He always is.

We go to the all you can eat Chinese buffet. I am very happy. Can hardly walk upright, but very happy.

I must take advantage of the "ALL YOU CAN EAT" part of this and stuff my face. We have a very nice dinner. All 5 of us.

But, since I am already out, I believe that I must at least get to the supermarket after dinner to get some things we NEED in the house (now keep that word NEED in your memory for a bit.)

So we go to Ingles. We get two cases of bottled water, low fat ice cream sandwiches for my hubby, and I forget what else. We pay. I remember I NEED cigarettes (yes I said NEED.) Hubby and the rest of them take the packages to the car. I am in my glory because other people are dealing with the package situation. Yes, it's a situation when you can hardly walk upright.

I proceed to Customer Service to get the cigarettes I NEED. Picture this scenario.....

Behind this monumental structure they call Customer Service, there are three individuals behind the supposedly bullet proof glass. A structure that reminds me of the Pope Mobile. I proceed to say.......

One carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX Please. No one responds. I suppose that bullet proof glass gives them some sort of misdirected sense of anonymity. I don't really know. I ask again....... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please.

I digress........ In my twisted sense of reality, I smoke lights because I probably believe that lights are better than regular strength. I know it's not true, but hey it makes me feel better that I do indulge in this "disgusting habit." I like to smoke and in my mind it's either MARLBOR LIGHTS 100 BOX or crack.

Back to Ingles..... I am still not being heard so I ask again ......... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please. I don't remember if this is the third or fourth time I have asked. I am getting anxious. I even have a coupon.

Then as if out of nowhere, someone in a crisp, green Ingles smock is standing beside me. I am thrilled. Maybe she can hear me?

I go on to ask her............ Is there a sound barrier between me and them. I point to the three, who are still chatting and not seeing me or hearing me. They do, in fact, see her. Maybe it's her smock? Who knows?

She motions to them. They ask me if they can help me. Three people to get me a carton of cigarettes seems a little extreme to me. But after all they are cigarettes and I do NEED them.

I ask again.......... May I have one carton of MARLBORO LIGHTS 100 BOX please. I add I have a coupon too. Someone retrieves the cigarettes. I am thrilled. I am handing one of them my coupon.

This was not the person who retrieved the cigarettes. He looks perplexed. I motion to the other "customer service" person who still has my cigarettes in her hand but is still holding what must be an important conversation. I cannot hear what it is because of the sound barrier.

Finally, they appear to get in sinc. They are all ringing me up. I ask, just to make sure..... Those are 100 box? I get a yeah. I hand my coupon to the person who looks the most in charge and pay. I leave.

I get home and the cigarettes are not 100s.

The birds are singing outside. Normally this sound would make me feel full of life. But not today. The last few days have been horrific with Lupus flaring it's ugly head once again. They tell me that there is no rhyme or reason for what makes it flare. Check out the Lupus Foundation website to know more about his disease. So many things have happened during the last few months, no wonder my body is retaliating. Everyone tells me to forget about these things. Easier said than done. Believe me I don't think that I am a drama queen. I would much rather things be quiet and uneventful. And, if I could forget I really would. And, I don't want to go into details, that might be the first step to help me get over stuff. In any event, today I am literally dragging. As far as I know I am NOT dying. This I am sure of. But my body feels like I have been run over by a 18 wheeler. Please pray for me.