MY POOR HUBBY IS SICK

Now, you have to know my husband to understand this.  It takes a whole lot to get him to stay home from work.   Today is his second day home from work.  Hubby has a very bad Upper Respiratory Tract infection.  I mean bad.  He is coughing up a storm.  He says that it feels as if his head is going to explode when he coughs.  So, yesterday, off to the doctor we went.  Dr. C examined him and yup, he is sick.  I asked if he needed to stay home from work for a while and the doc said, YES, he needs to rest.  Right now he is sleeping soundly.  I heard him stirring in the bedroom about an hour ago and took that opportunity to get some of the prescription cough syrup in him.  When I go back to bed in a little while I'll bring him some water and his antibiotic.  I would like him to finish out the week at home, but no.  He plans on returning to work tomorrow.  Why, you ask?  Because if he is not there on a Friday, he won't get to work overtime on Saturday.  He is like that.  He will never turn down working overtime.  What a guy I have!! 

I'm coming down with what he has.  There was no way to avoid it.  Dr. C. gave me a prescription for a Z pack just to have in the house.  He suspects I will need it.  I don't know if you remember but last year at this time I ended up in the hospital with what they thought was pneumonia.  Turns out it was just a very bad case of bronchitis.  I have to watch out.  So, the doctor wanted to be prepared.

 I am enjoying having Gary home.  We both like each other's company.  Even if we are just sitting around watching television, we are happy.  We don't go out much and that is fine with both of us.  Every once in a while we will go out to dinner.  Gary said that if he feels better today maybe we will go to Applebee's for a late lunch, early dinner thing.  We received two gift cards for Christmas.  We'll use the Applebee's one today.  Next week we will use the Outback card.  We will be celebrating our anniversary next Tuesday.  We will be married for 23 years.  The best years of my life.  Both of us always say that we can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  Time flies when you are having fun. 

53 Things about my hubby and one for good luck

I just finished reading Dawn's journal (http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/) where she lists 42 (plus one for good luck) things about her hubby.  I am going to follow her by listing 53 (plus one for good luck) things about my hubby.

1.  He will be turning 54 this April.

2.  He is four years older than me for one month.

3.  I love him dearly.

4.  There is no one in this entire world who comes close to being the man he is.

5.  We will be married for 23 years in one week.

6.  He puts up with a lot of crap from me. I'm not talking about my illness, just my craziness.

7.  Speaking of my illness, he takes great care of me.  He has picked up the slack and has done so gladly.

8.  He tells me that he married me IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH.

9.  His name is Gary.

10.  Gary is an electrician and works for the city.

11.  Gary has no idea how wonderful he really is.

12.  Gary is very involved with the Boy Scouts.  He has gone on almost every camping trip with our son.  He belongs to committees.  And, was Quartermaster.

13.  I love him so much.

14. I am his third wife.

15. He had a beloved White Shepherd named Baron when he was growing up.

16. He knows how to do EVERYTHING.

17. He is an amazing father.

18. He is an even more amazing husband.

19. He has had micro surgery twice.  Once to repair his hand that was almost torn off.  It was stuck when a bucket truck malfunctioned.  Also, the tip of his finger was crushed while he was working on the subway tracks.

20. No matter how much his hands hurt, he will give me a back massage.

21. He has a happy personality.

22. He has never smoked.

23. He doesn't drink alcohol.

24. He is a meat and potato man.

25. He cooks.

26. He used to ride motorcycles.

27. He still kisses me good night.

28. And, when he leaves for work and comes home.

29. He is one of the funniest men I know.

30. He can fix just about everything.

31. He is very handsome.

32. He is 6 feet tall.

33. He suffers from the gout.

34. Has bad knees.

35. He works very hard to take care of our family.

36. He has nice feet.

37. Everyone who meets him, loves him.

38. He has a great personality.

39. He never makes a phone call just to chat with someone.

40. Although, he calls me during the day just to see how I am.

41. When I am comfy on the couch, he makes sure if I need a drink I have one.

42. He always asks if I need anything.

43. He is my rock.

44. He is my lover.

45. He is my hero. My rock.  He has strong shoulders both physically and emotionally for me to lean on.

46. He hardly ever says no to me.

47. He loves our puppy.

48. Our puppy (Wilson) goes crazy when he comes home from work.

49. He enjoys Sinatra just as much as Big and Rich.

50. He sings along to songs.

51. He is cute.

52. No matter how much he hurts, he gets up every day and goes to work.

53. He leaves an hour early for work.  He has never been late to work.

54. He is very responsible.

I love him more than I could possibly say.  These 54 things are only a smigin of what he is about.

My mood is happy because of him.

 

I'm not writing in this journal as much as I used to.  I thought that it was because the words didn't flow the way they once did.  My mind, I would say, is not the same.  Blaming everything on my cognitive dysfunction was my way out of having to make decisions.  HA!!

But, in reality, my lack of journaling really only comes down to one simple fact.  I could care less about My Lupus.  I've just come to terms with it and it's part of my daily existence.  My journaling was my way of learning.  My quest at understanding.  My lupus persona.

I believed that I had to embrace this Lupus crap the way I had embraced everything else in my life. 

But, I was wrong.  I don't have to embrace a gosh darn thing.  I used to like the "I have Lupus but it doesn't have me!" slogan.  I don't any longer.

It's not necessary for me to rise above Lupus.  I'm a person with Lupus and most of the time it does have me.  It's taken away a lot of my zest.  But, who cares?

I no longer whine about it.  I could you know.  But, I don't.  It's been too long and most are tired of hearing about it anyway.  I am tired of hearing about it.

I am no longer diligent in keeping my medical appointments.  There were times when I would hobble and limp.  Hold on to anything to get me to the doctor's office.  Now, I cancel and reschedule.  Another week or two is not going to make me better.  I'm not going to get better.

This is not me giving up.  This is not me feeling sorry for myself.  This is definitely not me whining.  It's just me falling into my place in life. 

I no longer care that I have Lupus.  Or if that new stabbing pain behind my eye is something to be concerned about.  If it is, it will reveal itself eventually.  I no longer search for answers.

I just no longer care that I have Lupus. It's not my job to keep abreast of the new treatments.  That is my doctor's job.

 I am LuAnne.

Tags: lupus, self-pitty, medical crap, research, LuAnne

Karyl's Weight Loss Journey

I would like you to check out my friend Karyl's journal.  Karyl has embarked on a weight loss journey.  Actually, she is a contestant in a local weight loss challenge.  Drop by her journal to give her some moral support.

http://journals.aol.com/klconard1/GlimpsesofEternity/

I know that Karyl has put the weight loss bug in me.  I have to do it too.  Thanks Karyl and Good Luck

You guys are just wonderful.  Thank you so much for your words of support and comfort.  Your prayers for me have been answered.  The lump on my breast is some kind of fatty tumor.  The sore (which is healing now) turned out to be some sort of cyst.  It just so happens that when I injured myself it was on the exact spot that I had a cyst.  So, that is why it looked so ugly and because of my prednisione and immunosuppressant use, it took such a long time to heal.

I am so happy.  It is such a weight off my mind.  I wasn't handling this well, I was very afraid.  Now, I am so thankful.  God answers prayers.  What better time than right before the celebration of His birth.

Mom is coming up for Christmas, I am so happy.  She will be here on Monday.  I'm going to take a trip to the airport with our friend Pat.  He is coming with me for moral support.  It's not a very long drive but I can't do it alone.  Maybe he will drive.  That would be even better.

We are going to have a wonderful and quiet Christmas.  We will stay home.  I'm going to put up a huge gravy (for the non Italians - tomato sauce).  I am going to pull out all the stops.  I will be be putting sausage, meat balls, pieces of beef and pork and braccoli.  This gravy will need to cook for hours but, if I must say so myself, I make a good gravy and the effort is worth it.  We'll probably have stuffed shells or manicottis.  Maybe even lasagna.  Since Mom will be here we will be making three colored cookies.  They are made with almond paste.  Maybe even a ricotta cheese cake.  I am so excited.

Most of my shopping is done.  I shopped online this year.  Tonight Gary and I will go over to the shopping center.  There is a Target there and I just have to pick up a few odds and ends.  Then we will go to Home Depot.  I'm going to buy a new area rug for the living room.  But first we will stop at Applebee's for dinner.

This entry is much better than my last few.  I am pretty happy and looking forward to the holiday.

Again, I want to thank you all.  Your comments and emails really lifted my spirits.

Thank you so much.

 

I

I'm trying not to let my emotions run away with me.  But I am having a hard time of it.  Life just can't be normal.  How I wish for a simple existence without any complications.  I'm scheduled for a momography and ultrasound on Thursday morning.  Aside from the wound on my breast, I've found a lump.  Keep me in your prayers.

Who would want to be around me lately? I wouldn't if I had the choice.

It's been a very emotional couple of weeks for me.  As I begin to realize that I have limitations.  I am trying very hard to accept this.

I had to go to my primary care doctor on Friday because I have a wound on my breast that just won't heal.  I've had it for just about three months now. I injured myself (don't laugh) by getting my breast caught between two laundry baskets. THREE TIMES Two of them were on the same exact spot and this is the wound that is not healing.  My doctor said I needed to get to see the breast surgeon right away, so I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.  The wound is very ugly. Raw.  It's like a quarter sized crater.  It's oozing clear liquid.  He said that most likely it's because of the steroids and immunosuppressants that I am taking that is hindering the healing process.  Boy does it hurt.

I was also told that I have a heart murmur.  Apparently it's been there all the while.  But, he wants a echo cardiogram done just to check it out.

As the phrase goes....... I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED.  It's gotten so that I cannot walk up the stairs without gasping for air.  And, when I settle down I have a hard time regaining a good breathing pattern.  It's not my lungs, they are clear.  He believes its the murmur.  Thus, his request that I get an echo.

My legs are causing me a lot of grief.  Horrid pain mostly in my right leg.  From hip to toe.  When I get up from a sitting or laying position and try to walk it's worse and I actually feel like I have to drag that leg.  Just the motion of walking makes me weak.  So I am breathless and in pain.  Nice combo.

I've been reading all the new journal events that come my way and I feel very jealous of most of you.  Your journals are filled with joy.  Mine is filled with woe.  I wish it was different. There is nothing interesting to write about.  For my days are all the same.  I get up in the morning and each day is the same as the day before.  I have become afraid to go out. Any attempt at shopping or lunching with friends leaves me devastated because I end up sweating from my head to my waist.  I dread it that I have to get in the shower.  That simple act drains me for the entire day. After only a few moments I have to look for something to hold on to.  I guess it's time to install hand rails.

I walk with a cane.  I have a prescription for a walker but haven't gone to get one yet.  I keep thinking, what's after the walker?  A wheelchair?

I am so sorry that my entries are so bleak lately. Maybe once we get the Christmas tree and the presents are laid out underneath it my mood will improve.

Can you believe that I am going to turn 50 next year.  I think part of my somber mood is because I have lost a childhood friend.  Not by death, but by her choice.  She simply said that she has lost interest in me.  It's been almost two years since I have spoken to her.  We were born a week apart.  We should be turning 50 together, but I am left missing her.  I wonder if she ever thinks of what happened.  Or if she misses me as much as I miss her?

Our lives change.  We have no control over most of it.  I am feeling very lost and isolated.  I want so much to get myself out of feeling like this, but I just don't know how.