ICKY

It's Friday morning and I have been trying to hold my own all week but I have had to give in this morning.  Had to surrender again to Lupus this morning.  I've been trying to avoid the "BIG GUN" meds.  You know the ones I am talking about.  Those meds such as Tylenol with codene and percocete.  I haven't even attempted the morphine yet.  I am scared and have avoided them since my last rheumi appointment because my liver function tests were abnormal.  I was taken off Imuran and prednisione.  I will be going on Saturday for a repeat of the test.  So I tried to avoid any meds that aren't necessary really.  Any meds that metabolize through my liver.  But this morning I had to give  in.  I have been in so much pain and it's getting worse so I gave in.  Each joint and muscle is paralized by pain.  I haven't been scared before.  But this liver stuff has me pretty anxious. My liver was always enlarged and there was this cysty thing there.  And, considering all the meds I am still on.  I am apprehensive.

Plus my body has been twiching again. It's such a queer feeling.  I don't know if I should really be calling it twitching because you cannot see it from the outside.  But it feels as if it is twitching from the inside.  Like jerking.  My nerves are twisting.  Each nerve in my body is fitful.  It's driving me crazy.  I just want to throw my entire body against a wall.  Nothing seems to end it.  I cannot stand this one moment longer.

I was happy to read the current issue of Lupus Now.  It explained very well Lupus and CNS.  If you get this magazine please read this article.  If you don't please try to subscribe the proceeds go to Lupus research and the articles are very informative.