As many of you know, I have a son.
He is 21 years old. He is a good young man who is very responsible and self sufficient. Plus (and not just because he is my son) he is very handsome. He's tall and lean. His new look is sort of like the beatnik from Doby Gillis. If anyone can remember that show from many years ago.
There is one thing that is not good about him. He has become very disrespectful. He picks on me and answers me back. He has even hung the phone up on me. I don't understand what is going on. I know there is no underlying problem. No drug use. The kid won't even be around someone who smokes cigarettes. I am sure of this.
His disrespect fullness is getting to me big time. No matter what I say, he jumps down my throat. I've brought this up with hubby but it's no use. All I get from him is that it's my own fault. I don't see how that is possible. Because if trying to help. Or, asking a question is my fault. Then maybe it is.
How can this be possible?
I guess I should be happy that he only does this with me. With EVERYONE else he is just the perfect young man. Respectful, helpful and kind. But with me he is not. And, I am proud of him. In all areas of his life he is great. Smart and responsible.
It's gotten to the point that I am afraid to ask him a question. For fear that he is going to jump down my throat. Even when I told him how much I liked his girlfriend. And, that she seems sweet. I told him that she was cute. He yelled at me.
I have been crying for most of the morning.
It happened again this morning. He got a new dresser for his room and I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to do in there. He said, "No, just leave everything along because I have my computer stuff all over the place!" I then asked him if he had any dishes or dirty clothes in there. He jumped down my throat. "Didn't I just ask you to stay out of there?"
I just started to cry and ask him to please stop being disrespectful. I was sobbing actually. I am still sobbing. I just cannot stop.
He proceeded to leavefor work, but turned around and came up the stair and hugged me. That was nice, but I am still crying. I just don't understand what I did to deserve being treated like this.
Yeah, I get it that he is at a point in his life where he is paving his way. I get it that he is not really a grown up but trying to be one. I know that you always hurt the one you love. But I don't get this.
It's really hurting me.
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10 comments:
This is my perspective and mine only. I have had a similar thing with my daughter. We used to be close and now I am enemy #1. I think it has something to do with my not being the vibrant, funny, easy-going peron I used to be. I try not to complain , but just seeing me sleeping a lot or telling her I haven't slept in 2 nights, or when I take a shower, even the water hurts my skin, I am sure it bores her. I think she resents that I have my "conditions", not that I ever ask for help or anything, I don't know, maybe she thinks I should be more in tune with her problems? She tells me I am controlling. I don't think I am. I told her if I was her house would be clean and so would her children, she would cook nutritious meals for her kids, and she would pay more attention to her children than she does to her husband! Her 7 year old son has been diagnosed with an auto-immune condition they think it's RA or LE and she just goes on and does nothing different to make sure he is comfortable and sometimes misses his doctor appts. He needs a hearing aid and has for about 3 months, but she hasn't gotten it yet! A lot of my problems with stress and subsequent increases in my symptoms are because of her problems and being afraid she might lose her kids again. I haven't seen or heard from her or my grandchildren in over a month and we only live about 5 miles from each other. I will not go where I am not wanted, but I am so depressed about not seeing my grandkids! I don't know LuAnne, are they trying to pull away, which is probably "normal" or does the fact that we are sick make them angry at us? As a mother I just try to keep my mouth shut and wait for her to come crying to me because of all the drama in her life, but never mind me trying to get sympathy from her, I wouldn't even try! Me and God have it goin' on and most times I do o. k.
AWWW hon...it is going to be okay..this is a stage they go through...I got jumped by Trista cause I asked her if she had been eating okay when she said she was sick two months ago...see the blessings in it...he isn't on drugs...maybe he has a letter or some mags he don't want you to see...leave him a note and ask him for all the dishes and let him know that you expect that he keep his room as heathy as possible..and know that he is trying to gain his control as an adult and maybe he is just worried about life in general...it is hard when becoming an adult...clearly...his coming back and hugging you is his way of telling you...it is not you but him..he sounds stressed and it is best to give advise but understand he is at the age he has to make his own mistakes...and I will say from experience..if you give advise and let them make their own choice on things when you are right it holds more weight and they have less trouble coming to you....so...try not to let it get you down...and be ready for all sorts of things you are not used to...LOL...big hugs to you!!! Love ya...TerryAnn
I can't really advise Lu Anne, only wish you strength - perhaps sit down and talk about it?
(((((((((((((Lu dear)))))))))))))) Bless your heart dear, I am sorry. I know this hurts you very much. And I don't think he really wants to hurt you. Perhaps there is something in the way you talk to him that brings up the emotional feelings he had as a younger child? And he is fighting that feeling of being a boy, not a man? It's a tough age. Be patient, sweetie. He knows you love him very much. He loves you too.
BTW, he is much much MUCH more handsome than Maynard G. Krebs lol.
loving you
karyl
My middle son can be very hurtful sometimes and he is only 11...so I can imagine! {{{ Lu }}} The only thing I can think to do would be to call a meeting after dinner one night, all 4 of you and try to discuss it! There is no excuse for him to act that way and Gary has to support you...
{{{{ Lu }}}}}] Being a mom is so damn hard.
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
((((LU)))))
I raised a son & daughter too Daughter is maarried & lives inher own home.
My 27 yr old single son works, still lives here. He cops an attitude on his days off if I want to come into "his room" and clean it.
I remind him this room he sleeps in is "a room in the home I own and at anytime I can decide when you can or can't live here so you better knock off the attitude with me because this is my house and I will not tolerate that talk to me".
Generally it stops at that sometimes he apologises and explains he has paperwork (his banking, ATM reciepts etc, laying around ) and he doesn't want me snooping through them. So that is why he barks at me to get out that he will clean his room.
But I beg to differ, it's a bedroom inside MY home and I want to clean it MY way. He ends up cleaning it. But if I have to drag my hubby into the converstaion he straightens his attitude up real quick.
If he doesn't I remind him, he needs to start looking eslewhere for free rent because my health doesn't need to be talked to the way he does when I want to help him out or clean the room he sleeps in. (I'm trying to stop calling it "his room") as I don't want him living here forever.
HANG IN THERE LU!
Every Mom can tell a story, I'm sorry you now have a story to tell too. But it happens with our kids, regardless of their age. TImes have changed, I'd NEVER talk to my folks like that in their lifetime, I expect my kids to give me the same respect.
Love ya,
Kathy
http://www.LupusMCTD.com
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lu}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Deb
He may not even know exactly why he is responding the way he ir. My daughter, age 22, a good mother to her 8 month old, owns her house, engaged to a good man, still responds with disrespect sometimes. When I look at it, it usually because she feels I am crossing a line(invisible to me) that threatens her sense of adulthood-along the lines of "Mom, don't tell me what to do!" I remember it more from when she used to come from college, struggling between childhooh past and not quite there adulthood. I used to work to leave her alonne when sshe was caught in this-so what if her room was messy, her life was confused, she needed time to be herself without my interference. Don't know if this helps, but I do feel for you!. Margo
Sounds like you and your son need to have some quiet, private time to discuss what is going with him, he's old enough to know better than to be disrespectful like that to you. If he keeps it up, I'd be considering saying it's time to find new digs if you can't respect me. What is going on when you ask your husband and he says it's your own fault. Gee where is the hubby support. Sounds like you need to have that talk with your husband also. You shouldn't be treated this way by either of them. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this dear....Arlene (AJ)
You shouldn't have to put up with it. He isn't a moody teenager, and you are deserving of his respect at all times. Being in a grumpy mood once in a while can be excused, but jumping down your throat each time you speak to him is unacceptable in my book. Your husband needs to back you up on this, too. He sounds like a good guy basically, though. Could something be bothering him that you are not aware of? If he were my son I would tell him flat out that it hurts me terribly when he talks to me that way, and that if I am saying or doing anything that is provoking that kind of behavior I'd appreciate it if he'd tell me so that we could work it out.
Lori
http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages
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