A friend

I’ve been thinking a lot about her lately.

 

I never believed it when people would write that friendships could end.  After all we had been friends for so long.  Over three decades.  How could something that lasted so long end?

But friendships can be lost   When long friendships are lost there is no way to find them again.  When our friendship ended I lost a part of myself.

During the last years of our friendship, it was mainly phone conversations.  Sometimes we would go for months.  But then when we were on the phone, it was as if no time had passed at all.

I still lament over the loss.  SometimesI forget and start to pick up the telephone to call her.  Then I remember and that is when my heart breaks all over again.

 

Because it all comes back to me.  That it was lost in an email.  No personal contact.  No chance to speak about what was wrong.  All I got was that she lost interest. 

 

I now know that friendships do not last. That friendships lose importance and wither away. I now know that there is always pain when you lose a friend.

 

I've been thinking about her.  I’ve been thinking that we have friends that come in and out of our lives.

 

I have also been thinking that nothing that happened with her could be explained.  I do have to give her credit for at least ending it.  And, as much as it hurt me, at least there was an end. But what happened still confuses me.

 

I used to go over our years of being friends.  Trying to figure out if it was my fault.  I know that in her mind it was something.  And, yes, we are never guiltless.  But, whatever had occurred was, in my mind, nothing major enough to dismiss a life long friendship

 

I still talk about the times we shared throughout the years.  But I have put her in a different place in my heart I don’t have to stop loving her or caring about her merely because she didn’t want to be in my life anymore?

 

If she called tomorrow and wanted to be friends again, I couldn’t.