I am so weak and tired.  Been having horrible pain in my right leg from toe to hip.  My mouth is full of sores and I have a fever blister on my bottom lip.  And, of course, my face looks as if I spent the day laying out in the sun..Oh, yup, little Lupus sores are appearing on my face.

Ah Ha just another day in the life of a Lupie.

People call and ask how I am and I say "FINE."

Would you say different?

Only Gary knows the truth. He is here.  He sees..  He hears my sobbing.

I'm living on percottes.  What else can I do?  That med only takes the edge off.  It doesn't even touch the head pain.  I do think that I need something stronger.

I'm not a happy women these days.  Tomorrow, I suspect, will be more of the same,

Lately I have been thinking about my marriage.  I have a good marriage.  Those of you who have been reading my journal for a while know that every so often I write about my relationship with my husband.  Tonight I feel like writing about what I feel are the tools we all should have to make our marriages work.

Mad passionate love is great.  (I love it, yes.)  But for any marriage to endure the struggles life hands us we need to do a lot.  These things are not chores or hard to do if you are committed and in love.

The first thing is never react.  Respond.  We all fall short sometimes, but this is the most important of the marriage tools.

Build each other up.  Compliment each other.  Verbally let your partner know how much you appreciate him/her.  Let them know that you are proud of them.

Communicate........ emotionally, mentally and physically.  Share your feelings. Discuss things.  Have physical contact.  Not only sexual but non sexual.  An embrace........ And, spiritually.  Share dreams, hopes and prayers.

Marriage is not 50 50.  It's 100 100.  Give your all without any hidden agenda.  My husband is good at this.  He thinks first about me.  I feel inadequate in this. 

And, lastly........ remember your vows.  Remember those words you pledged to each other all those years ago.  Those vows you spoke when you had stars in your eyes and dreams in your mind.

Step over obstacles.  Get past them.  Love each other.

Sunday

Good morning!! 

 

This morning I woke up to a winter wonderland. We are having a blizzard here in New York. I believe we already have 9 inches of snow.  My husband was called to be at work at midnight because they were expecting higher than normal tides.  He is still there.  My daughter, Lauren, is still at work.  She was supposed to get off at 6 am but her replacement has not shown up yet so she is still there.  I think it’s better for her to be there now.  I cannot pick her up because my car is snowed in and the visibility is not good. The weatherman said that there are white out conditions.  So she has to walk home.  It’s not far maybe ¾ of a mile.  It’s better if she walks home when it’s a little lighter out.  I feel bad but there is no way I can get there.  Can’t dig my car out and even if I could our street is not plowed yet and I have to drive downhill to get out of our street.

 

 

I have been feeling pretty good lately.  As many of you know I joined a circuit type gym.  It’s been two weeks and I have to say it’s very hard.  But I go!  Three times a week!  I have also been watching what I eat.  I have cheated once or twice in the last three weeks.  Hey it’s a beginning.  And I am feeling so much better.  That is what counts.

 

 

I wanted to write about “empty nest” syndrome.  I have been feeling like that lately.  My children are still living at home but they are becoming adults with lives of theirown.  I’m having a difficult time with this.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy that they are growing up into active, responsible adults.  That’s not it.  It’s that I have been feeling a little useless.  And, a lot lonely.  Gary and I are getting to spend some quality time together.  We get to go out alone.  This is something we haven’t been able to do in a long time.  I mean without having to hire and pay for a baby sitter. It’s really bittersweet.  I am happy that they are going out on their own but sad that they are no longer my babies.

 

 

My son is a bit more sentimental than my daughter is.  He always has been.  Lauren always liked to do things her own way.  This is a very good quality.  I am very proud that she is becoming a decisive and independent woman.  And, she is my baby.  There are times when I think that she doesn’t need me at all.  But, then there are times like this morning when she really needs me.  To pick her up that is.  

Garyis very independent.  He comes and goes when ever he wants.  This has me being the quintessential worrying Mother.  I am going to have to get used to all of this.

 

 

Otherwise I am enjoying this independence.  And, am loving spending time alone with Gary.  We are able to go out to dinner on the weekends.