INSPIRATION FOR A GOOD NIGHT

Just some inspiration from Our Lord before I go to sleep.  Enjoy!!

 

 

                            

                          

 

 

 

                                

 

 

 

                              

 

  

 

             

ABOVE WATER

 

I’m trying my best to keep my head above water these days.  The only way I can describe this feeling is it’s like I’m walking along a cliff.

 

 

Some days the view is beautiful and scenic. I look around and see the miraculous views around me.  They are, indeed, wondrous.  The wonderful images stop me in my tracks.  These are the days when I am feeling good physically.  On these days I fail to remember the bad days.  Everything in my world appears perfect.  These periods in my life are glorious.  I relish in them.  Even though in the most remote part of my mind I know that sometime, some place these period will end.  I still delight in them.

 

 

Today is not one of those extrordinary period.  Nor have I had that recently.  But, I know it is coming.  I am due.  Lupus promises me those things.  You see even though I know that my wondrous moments will end I also know my horrible, loathsome and nasty periods will also end.  They may last longer each time.  My flares my seem to have no end in sight.  But I still have the hope.  I still have confidence.  I HAVE FAITH.  That these flares will not last forever. 

 

 

One day again the view will again be beautiful and scenic. I will again look around and see  the miraculous views around me.  They will again be wondrous.  The wonderful images will stop me in my tracks again and again.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

I was speaking to Jenn this morning.  She told me that she had been to my journal.  I said, didn’t write anything yet this morning.  Haven’t had any words for a while. 

Then we got in a conversation about taking things One day at a time.  I said… Yes, that’s it…… that’s my entry for today.  

Thank’s Jenn. (PMSPatrol)  This one is dedicated to you today!

 I'm going to write more later.  But here is something for now. 

 Here is a song by Joan Baez.

  One Day at a Time

 Joan Baez

I live one day at a time
I dream one dream at a time
Yesterday's dead, and tomorrow is blind
and I live one day at a time.

Bet you're surprised to see me back at home,
You don't know how I miss you when you're gone
Don't ask how long I plan to stay
It never crossed my mind
cuz I live one day at a time.

I live one day at a time
I dream one dream at a time
Yesterday's dead, and tomorrow is blind
and I live one day at a time.

There's a swallow flyin' across a cloudy sky
Searchin' for a patch of sun so high
Don't ask how long I have to follow him,
Perhaps I won't in time
but I live one day at a time.

I live one day at a time
I dream one dream at a time
Yesterday's dead, and tomorrow is blind
and I live one day at a time.
And I live one day at a time.

I'm trying to think of more to write about taking things one day at a time.  But, really its an individual thing.  Some days I do fine.  Some days I don't.  That's about it.

TRUST IN HIM

 

 

 

 

 

AND THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY TODAY

ALL I ASK

My emotional well being is directly linked to my physical well being.  As much as I try not to let Lupus control my life it is intensely difficult to do that.  Especially during the last few months.  Christina in her journal hit it on the head when she wrote about pity.  That is not what I want.  Nor is that what I ask for.  And, I think it was Christina who also wrote that when you are diagnosed with something like this a headache is no longer a headache.  Numbness in your leg is simply no longer your leg falling asleep.  There is always an underlying reason for this.  It just enranges me and it never did before.  Why it does now I don't know.  Maybe it is the ignorance.  Maybe it is the indifference.  Maybe it is the blindness.  Who knows?  But it infuriates me.  The scenerio goes something like this....

Hi Lu, how are you feeling today?  I have been flaring?  What does that mean?  (I've explained this about a zillion times) I'm beyond tired.  I've been sleeping a lot lately.  My body hurts.  My head is about to explode.  (this is where I include the symptom of the moment, diarrhea ~~ vomiting ~~ fever above 102 ~~ you name it ~~) Oh, I'm tired too.  I had trouble sleeping last night.  I went out and had too much to drink and my head hurts.  So I say...........(insert name here) No it's not the same thing...... just think about the last time you had a really bad cold or the flu.  That is the way I feel most of the time.  And when I flare from this illness it's multiplied like 10x if not more.  Oh,  you just need to get out in the sunshine.  Or, you take too many pills.  Or, if you got up and just started to live like a "normal" person you would feel better.                    

Should this not infuriate me?  Because if it didn't infuriate me it would once again make me cry.  And, I don't need to cry anymore.  I have been crying for way too long.  Crying because I have been grieving what this illness has taken away from me. People who aren't ill have no idea.  They are very fortunate that they are able to just get up in the morning and feel rested.  And, start their day.  Even if they feel "tired" it's not a paralizing fatigue that lasts for days or weeks.  That is partnered with incapacitating pain.  Not just the "ouchies."  That may last a day maybe 2 or 3.  With me it lasts weeks maybe months.  And, when I get a break from this I have to watch what I do because it will be back it always comes back.  Here I am only listing the obvious stuff about Lupus.  I'm not telling you about the multiple times I am in the lab getting stuck having blood work done.  They are taking 10 to 12 vials of blood at a time.  But the thing is my veins are no longer able to be found.  They are gone from my arm.  They are collapsed or twisted.  Only an experienced tech can get blood.  There has been talk about putting in a line to make it easier to start an IV and get blood.  But for me that is not an option.  I am on chemo therapy meds.  Which makes me more susceptible to infection.  And, with those lines the risk of infection is high.  Also, what onlookers don't see is the seizures I have.  So, please don't pretend to be a medical doctor and offer me advice.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining here.  I have learned that I have Lupus and I know what my life is.  This is simply a statement of facts.  (As my friend Loretta has so often said.)  What I want everyone to know is that education about Lupus is important.  I will have Lupus forever.  Lupus for me will be ever changing.  If you love me you will educate yourselves about this thing that has changed my life. Here is one of the best places to begin.  http://www.lupus.org/  Here is an even easier place, it is like a slide slow and explains everything.... http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/tutorials/lupus/id209101.html 

If not than stop trying to tell me what to do.  My doctors know how to treat me.

NEW YEAR ~~ NEW LIFE

 

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5

 

 

Thank you Jazz (aka Desoulsheartbeat) for this scripture this morning.  I had been feeling quite sad and fragile over the last few week. How Jazz knew can only be from our Lord. But she sent me an email lifting me up. It's amazing because I had been thinking of using part of the scripture in today's journal entry.  Jazz had no way of knowing this. Thank you my friend.  Jazz signed her email to me "Love without boundries."  That is what it is all about. Jazz also writes an online journal.  Check it out, it is a wonderful read....... http://journals.aol.com/desoulsheartbeat/MyJourneyHome/ 

 

 

Another amazing woman I would like you to meet.  Her name is    

Christina has MS. Her struggles are many.  Far more than I encounter.  Don't worry Christina I am not going the pity route.  More like adoration. You are an inspiration.  Thank you for your writings. You have made my life better for them.  You are going to be forever in my heart.  Here is the link to Christina's journal.  Please read it.  You will come away so much.  http://journals.aol.com/ckays1967/myjourneywithMS/

 

 

I especially want to thank Karyl and Shayner for writing to me when I was missing in action.  Shayner even called.  Thank you both so much for caring.  Friends like you are what makes me feel better.  You mean so much to me. 

 

 

And, here I am.  It's  and I am looking back on my week. Really the last couple of weeks.  I have been feeling so poorly.Both emotionally and physically. I'm trying to keep my head above water in both regards.  I have the flu.  So far it hasn't hit so hard. Gary has it bad and I suspect it will get me too.  Been praying I am spared.  Pray with me please.  So far I am fortunate, and I want to stay that way!  Emotionally I am holding my own.  Still feeling very fragile. 

 

 

And, that brings me to where I began.  With Romans 5:1-5 I just came across an amazing bible study journal which I will be reading daily. Her name is Kathy and her journal is called My Bible Study Place.I have copied from her journal because her explanation of Romans 5 1-5 is so wonderful.  But know that she deserves the credit for this explanation. Here is the link to her journal so you can read it all.  I know I will be back. 

http://journals.aol.com/onestrangecat/MyBibleStudyPlace/entries/95

 

This is telling me that I have access to God.  I can stand before Him.  I have been given the grace I needed in order to be able to do this.

Just because we are Christians doesn't mean our life will be a bed of roses.  Actually I feel it makes a lot of life harder.  But at the same time we are learning and growing more -- perhaps-- than those that don't have a belief in Jesus Christ.  When I was a teen ager I remember my youth leader saying "be careful what you pray for, you just might get it."  I didn't really understand at that time what he meant.  But if you look at verse 3 you will understand.

If you pray for patience you will have to go through some hard times.  God doesn't just wave His hand and all of the sudden you are more patient.  Nope.  You have to learn to be patient.  And what is the best way to learn?  Oh yeah, you have to go through some troubling times.  But the great thing is that God is there to see you through the bad times.  He is holding your hand through it all.  Sometimes you may not feel it but trust me He is there.

Thank you Kathy!!!

And, now I need to get back to bed.  Thank you for reading and please check out the journals I have linked above.