Monday, September 9, 2013

People Are Often Unreasonable and Self-Centered

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
 Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
 Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.”

― Mother Teresa
Remember me?  My name is LuAnne.  I was born on May 14, 1957.  I do not know what the weather was like on that May day. I do not know what was going on in the world then.  Nor do I know how my parents felt regarding my birth. Or how anyone, for that matter, felt about my birth. No one has ever told me the story of my birth. I have been told, though, of the circumstances surrounding my mother's pregnancy.  I have been informed, more times than I care to remember, that no one was happy about me coming into the world.  I do not remember my early years.  Most of us don't.  The funny thing about it, is that I do not remember much of my childhood.  All I can remember is tears and fear.  There were no good times.  I craved that, this much I can remember.  I do remember viewing my friend's families with disbelief.  Were their families normal and mine abnormal?  Or visa versa?

As a young girl, I looked for love wherever I could find it.  I would situate myself into the lives of those around me.  I lived for those moments when I could feel some sort of a family life.  Some sort of love.  When I became a young teenage girl, I still craved love.  Still looked for it wherever I could find it.  I still never found it.  I guess we cannot find something when we do not know what we are looking for.  How can we find what we do not know?

At 26, after one failed marriage, I found it.  I found a man who loved me for me.  A man who looked at me as if I was the only woman in the world.  He loves me and I knew I loved him.  I threw myself into the family we created.  Relished the birth of my children.  Showed love and felt love.  This man who I married gave me that.  He gave me the truth of what love is. He showed me what I had been looking for.  He showed me how to love. 

I remember the day and what it was like when each one of my children were born.  And, I told them these joys.  Even as little babies, I told them stories of our excitement and anticipation that surrounded their births.  I charmed them.  I, so much, wanted them to know.  I never wanted them to have questions.  I swore to show them love each and every day.  I wanted them to know and always be sure that their mother and father loved them.  I am sure that I have succeeded in doing that as they have grown up into amazing adults who show love and know love.

My life may have started out with questions and even though I never had the answers that I so wanted, my life as a wife and a mother blew away those questions.

Those questions do pop up every so often.  Mostly when I am reminded that I am not good enough for those that caused me to have those questions.  Why do I even care?  There is never an answer.  And, maybe there never can be one.  Who cares?

All I know is that those mysteries have brought me to the place that I am now in.  I am a woman with a loving husband and amazing children who know who they are.  And, now a grandson who starts this wonderful process all over again.

Can I take credit for this?  Yes, I can.  You bet I do.  And, that makes me one happy woman.  Thank you Gary for giving me this life and our amazing children.