Remember me? My name is LuAnne. I was born on May 14, 1957. I do not know what the weather was like on that May day. I do not know what was going on in the world then. Nor do I know how my parents felt regarding my birth. Or how anyone, for that matter, felt about my birth. No one has ever told me the story of my birth. I have been told, though, of the circumstances surrounding my mother's pregnancy. I have been informed, more times than I care to remember, that no one was happy about me coming into the world. I do not remember my early years. Most of us don't. The funny thing about it, is that I do not remember much of my childhood. All I can remember is tears and fear. There were no good times. I craved that, this much I can remember. I do remember viewing my friend's families with disbelief. Were their families normal and mine abnormal? Or visa versa?
As a young girl, I looked for love wherever I could find it. I would situate myself into the lives of those around me. I lived for those moments when I could feel some sort of a family life. Some sort of love. When I became a young teenage girl, I still craved love. Still looked for it wherever I could find it. I still never found it. I guess we cannot find something when we do not know what we are looking for. How can we find what we do not know?
At 26, after one failed marriage, I found it. I found a man who loved me for me. A man who looked at me as if I was the only woman in the world. He loves me and I knew I loved him. I threw myself into the family we created. Relished the birth of my children. Showed love and felt love. This man who I married gave me that. He gave me the truth of what love is. He showed me what I had been looking for. He showed me how to love.
I remember the day and what it was like when each one of my children were born. And, I told them these joys. Even as little babies, I told them stories of our excitement and anticipation that surrounded their births. I charmed them. I, so much, wanted them to know. I never wanted them to have questions. I swore to show them love each and every day. I wanted them to know and always be sure that their mother and father loved them. I am sure that I have succeeded in doing that as they have grown up into amazing adults who show love and know love.
My life may have started out with questions and even though I never had the answers that I so wanted, my life as a wife and a mother blew away those questions.
Those questions do pop up every so often. Mostly when I am reminded that I am not good enough for those that caused me to have those questions. Why do I even care? There is never an answer. And, maybe there never can be one. Who cares?
All I know is that those mysteries have brought me to the place that I am now in. I am a woman with a loving husband and amazing children who know who they are. And, now a grandson who starts this wonderful process all over again.
Can I take credit for this? Yes, I can. You bet I do. And, that makes me one happy woman. Thank you Gary for giving me this life and our amazing children.